Like Today Never Happened
by xXJeevas-sonXDXx
Summary: Matt was dead. Mello was sure of that, but a little boy in silly goggles steps PSP first into his life, and the blond starts to doubt this simple fact. Rated for Character death, and other such things.
1. Chapter 1

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, a bit cleaner. First chapter.

* * *

Even through the roar of wind in his ears, he could hear the crowd thundering in applause and cheers as he passed the finish line first. Oh yes, Victory was sweet. As his motorcycle came to a slow stop, he pumped a fist into the air in triumph. The crowd went wild. He had won and the grin on his face seemed to had taken a permanent residence on his face.

Removing his helmet to better see, he scanned the area for the one person whose cheers and words of acknowledgement mattered most. To his annoyance, he was nowhere to be seen...and there went the grin.

"Excuse me," He grunted. His helmet was once again replaced, and he kicked his motorcycle to life before riding off away from the confused crowd. He was so pissed! How could he not have been watching? Sure...it wasn't a major race, there was no money involved...it was just a show off run, but he had won! Oh, when he found him he was so going to kill him!

Not farther ahead, he came to stop at a large tented area where food and drinks were being sold. He had to be here...there was no where else that he could be. With a creak of riding leather from his suit, he climbed off the bike and stalked over to the person sitting closest to where he had parked his bike.

Dyed red hair, the color of fine red wine. Slender shoulders covered in cotton stripes...his anger quickly melted away. Instead of strangling the redhead like he had planned, he gently ran his gloved fingers through the soft locks.

Helmet now off once more and deposited on the table the seated male inhabited, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him from behind. "Matt," He began. Lips brushed against the redhead's cheek. "You missed my race you asshole."

Matt, the boy in question, chuckled softly. There was a PSP clutched between his hands, fingers moving rapidly over the buttons. "I know, Mello." Sensing the others mood, the game was shut off and placed on the table beside the black helmet.

There was a snort of annoyance and creaking of leather as Mello moved to sit down in one of the plastic chairs with the "Coca Cola" logo at their backs. "You know. So why the fuck weren't you there then?" He growled.

"I knew you'd win." was the instant reply. Matt reached up and removed the dark sunglasses that almost always hid his eyes from the world. His bright green eyes seemed to almost sparkle in the artificial light. "And you did," He reached over and brushed his fingers through Mello's shoulder length blond hair, moving it away from his face.

"I did." Mello replied a bit flustered. Stupid Matt...made him feel so girly sometimes.

From the track, they were announcing that the next race would be taking place soon. Drivers should start making preparations.

Matt grinned to himself. "Looks like I'm up."

"You have twenty minutes." The blond corrected. Something deep in the pit of his stomach, was starting to bubble to the surface...something like fear, or panic. He swallowed thickly, for his throat had suddenly gone dry. His eyes flashed to Matt's. The urge to tell the redhead to pull out of this race was overwhelming.

"Yeah," Matt watched the blond closely. "something I'm missing?" The blond nodded.

He was just about to explain to Matt about his nagging 'Something bad is going to happen' feeling, when he was interrupted by the sound of screeching breaks and a few grumbles of annoyance.

"Hey!" Matt exclaimed happily. "Light and L actually came!" There was a wide smile on the redheads lips, and Mello forgot all about his worries.

The doors on the drivers side and the passengers side opened simultaneously, revealing a tall brunette with clothes that looks straight out of an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot, and a dark haired man with plain faded jeans and a white t-shirt.

"I don't see why you insist on driving. We both know I'm the better driver." The brunette grumbled as they made their way over to them.

"I think I'm an excellent driver, Light." Was the dark haired man's reply.

"Oh yes, L!" Light said with fake enthusiasm. "And one of these days, you'll be excellently driving us off the side of a bridge!"

Matt and Mello exchanged looks of amusement. They waited for the new arrivals to take their seats, not wanting to interupt their intriguing conversation.

"Evening!" L greeted as he pulled himself into a crouching position atop one of the plastic chairs.

Light took his seat beside him, one leg crossed delicately over the other. "Sorry we're late. L wanted to stop for Ice cream." He gave Mello an apologetic look for having missed his run.

Mello rolled his eyes. Oh, they weren't the only ones; his eyes flashed to Matt before he turned on L. "Ice cream is more important to you than I am?!" And Matt laughed along with Light as L countered with the simple fact that ice cream was sweet and eatable and Mello was not.

"Oh I beg to differ." Matt said, before Mello could lunge at L. When the redhead was received with two raised eyebrows and a look from the blond that quite plainly said: 'What the fuck are you on?' he continued. "See, you can eat Mello. It's called cannibalism though, my friends and _that_ is not taken kindly to around these here parts."

A few seconds of silence, then laughter.

"Mail has a point." L commented, and the redhead pouted as he lightly punched one of the older man's knees.

"Don't call me that. I hate my name..." he whined.

"Mello, did you at least win?" Light interrupted what looked like one of Matt's rants about how stoned his parents must of been to name him that way. A rant that the three had heard countless times again and again, before effectively refraining from even mentioning it, for it was 'Taboo' as Matt had said.

The blond smirked a slowly cocky smirk. "I'm almost insulted you have to ask."

Both L and Light applauded and Mello stood to take low dramatic bows.

"So that means you better not screw up, Matt." L said matter-of-factly. "Losing is not an option here. No pressure."

Matt laughed. "Thanks, L."

At this, Mello was quiet and thoughtful once more as he took his seat. That feeling of panic that had faded with L and Lights arrival returned now with greater force. His fingers found the small bump under his racing suit that indicated where the silver crucifix from the rosary he always wore around his neck was. He really wanted to tell Matt to sit this one out...but he didn't think he could. Not when Matt was so happy that their best friends had actually taken time from their busy schedules to come watch a practice race.

"Something wrong, Mello?"

The blond broke from his reverie, his hand falling from where he had been idly tracing the grooves of the crucifix through the leather jump suit. His eyes focused on L, who was watching him with those dark eyes that seemed to be able to read everything with just one look. "No, nothing. Just spaced." He grinned and as he watched the redhead out of the corner of his eye, he knew that he hadn't fooled him.

In the distance, there came another announcement for all drivers to come to the starting line. The race was about to begin.

"Shit!" Matt cursed as he jumped to his feet so fast that his chair was knocked backwards.

"We'll drive you to your car." Light offered as he stood. He looked to L sternly. "And when I say 'we' I mean, Me." L seemed to deflate a little at this but he said nothing.

"Thanks, C'mon, Mell." Matt helped the blond to his feet and the four of them piled into the black Mustang. With Light at the wheel, they speed off towards the parking area where Matt had left his car.

The red Camaro sparkled under the street lamps. The paint was slick and glossy.

Light hadn't even stopped the car yet before Matt had the door opened and was jumping out. Mello quickly followed, his panic was rising once more, he could feel it choking him as it settled in his throat, desperate to burst from his lips and beg for the redhead to stay put. "Matt..." he choked.

The redhead, whose upper body had disappeared inside the car so as to stick the keys into the ignition, came back out to look at the blond. Upon seeing the look on Mello's face, Matt rushed over and took his face in his hands, green eyes searching deep into sky blue. "What? Mello, what is it?"

Mello's lips were rough and demanding against Matt's. His arms held the younger man to himself, crushing his body to his own. When they parted, Mello was the first to speak. "Be careful," He unzipped the leather jumpsuit he was still wearing, just enough to free the red beaded rosary and remove it from around his neck. He slipped it on over Matt's head, and quickly crossed him, ending at the redheads lips as he whispered something in Latin that Matt couldn't quite catch. "Amen."

"Mell..." Matt tried to reassure the blond with a small snort of laughter. "C'mon. I'll be fine, what's wrong with you?" He leaned in for another kiss. "I'll be fine. Relax, and go cheer me on." Then he disappeared inside his Camaro and took off towards the other racers who were already lined up at the starting line.

Mello was left to watch him go. Why did he feel so scared? This wasn't Matt's first race, and even then he hadn't felt this way. Matt was an amazing driver...he could do it in his sleep if he ever happened to sleep walk out of their apartment for a pack of cigarettes. After a honk from Light, Mello climbed back into the Mustang. They would go and cheer Matt on and everything would be fine...Besides, Matt had his rosary with him. It would bring him luck.

"Hurry, L, they're starting!" Mello whined as he and Light pulled the slower man along to the front lines of the cheering crowd. Since this really wasn't a professional race, just mean to show off some skills, there were no stands, just sidelines for people to stand watch. The three pushed themselves through the crowd until they reached the very front.

Matt's red Camaro was the first closest to them. Mello called out Matt's name and to his surprise there was a distinct tap on the window from the drivers side that was audible to the blond even through the roar of the crowd. And Mello smiled. He was so silly to worry over nothing. Maybe he should stop going to church so much...would do his mind some good to rest.

There were only five cars racing in this run. Mello was sure that Matt would win with no problems.

"_Drivers! Start your engines_!"

The roar of engines drowned out the sounds of the crowd as they simultaneously started up. Mello laughed and he heard Light cheer beside him as the red Camaro lurched forward suddenly and then moved back. "Show off!"

"_GO_!"

They were gone, just like that. Like bullets out of guns under the command of a single word trigger.

- - - -

He started off slow, taking his time. The cars were racing off ahead of him. Matt would let them feel cocky before he crossed the finish line before them. Wouldn't be too hard. At the first turn, he sped up just a little, passing two of the cars and taking third place for the time being.

- - - -

"What's he doing?" Light complained as they turned to keep their eyes on the race. "He's going way too slow..."

"He always does that." Mello replied. "Likes to have a flashy ending."

- - - -

The second turn was much the same. He brought himself to second place. There was a small grin on his face as he put himself neck and neck with the leading driver. He kept up with him as they reached the third turn, neither advancing or falling behind. Why not give the crowd a show, right?

- - - -

"Yeah!" Light cheered. He was practically jumping in place as Matt was tied with the remaining driver. "Go, Matt!" Mello couldn't help but laugh. If Light was enjoying himself this much at a simple practice run, then he should come out to the real races.

"Woo!" Mello cheered as Matt finally got bored and raced on, overtaking the driver he had been keeping speed with. His feelings of panic were being drowned out by the sense of relief. The race was almost over and everything was fine. Matt was fine.

- - - -

With another burst of speed, he had left everyone else behind. No doubt these were rookies wanting to show off a little for the masses. No real competition. Oh well...With a sigh, he made to tap the brakes a little to slow down enough for a clean turn. Nothing.

The car didn't slow whatsoever. "The fuck?!" Matt cried out in panic. His eyes widened a little as he took in the tight curve. Oh there was no way he would make it at this speed. He would total his car. He tried again, and again. Nothing. "Oh shit..." The car seemed to be going faster instead of slowing.

- - - -

"Matt has this in the bag." L commented as they turned in place once more to better watch the racers. Light mumbled his agreement.

Mello couldn't keep the grin off his face. It was almost over...Then he could take Matt home and sleep, god knows they needed it.

- - - -

No...there was no making it. With a jerk of the wheel, he sped up slightly in an attempt to make the turn. No such luck... The front end of the car caught the cement dividers that marked the track. It sent the car into a series of front flips and a snowball of parts, rubber and thick smoke.

It finally skidded to a stop, upside down, the wheels were gone only one remained and even so, it was torn to shreds.

- - - -

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The white truck that always stood on stand by with its full staff of trained people, looked like it was moving backwards with its slow speed. The collective gasp from the crowd sounded so muffled...so far away.

And he couldn't seem to move.

Firm hands shook his wildly. "Mello?"

"I think he's in shock, Light." ... L?

Matt...the race...

The red Camaro was laying on its back, like a broken wind up toy. The glossy red paint was no longer visible through the thick smoke. Hell...there was not much left of the cars sides at all.

Matt...crash.

"MATT!"

He was running. "Matt!..."

Someone was shouting after him but he didn't turn back. No, how could he? He couldn't just leave Matt all alone... No..maybe this wasn't Matt. He was already past the finish line. This was someone else's car. He just wanted to make sure.

"Mello!" Light shouted after him but he went ignored as the blond ran faster. Both he and L and his heels.

"It's not him!" Mello cried. "It's not, Matt!" Oh god, no. It couldn't be Matt. No...Matt had his rosary...it was suppose to protect him! It wasn't him!

His lungs were burning when he finally reached the wreckage. He felt so numb...

The trained on location people were pulling someone from the wreck, through where there was once a door. This someone was limp, like a rag doll. They were covered in blood, and glass. His head lolled back, as if there were no bones in his neck as they lowered him to the ground and began to search for any signs of life.

The car was still smoking. Mello was surprised that it hadn't burst into flames.

Red hair. Matt's red hair...it looked shades darker now that it was matted with blood. The white stripes of his black and white striped shirt were now red with his blood.

"Matt!" Mello made to run to him but strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind, keeping him to the spot. Try as he might he couldn't break free. He kicked and kicked and cried and begged but still he could not move. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks, momentarily blinding him.

"Mello, calm down." Light whispered against his ear. His voice sounded so distant...

The blond shook his head wildly. No! Matt wasn't dead! He...he was just... "NO!" He shouted at the sky. "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM! HE'S MINE!" He was bordering insanity...or maybe he was already there. More people had gathered around and were watching the scene with shocked expressions. "Y-you can't have him!...God, NO!"

"Shh, Mello." L placed a comforting hand on the blonds' arm. "He's gone."

"There's no pulse." One of the on location people said into a small black walkie-talkie. Why hadn't they asked for an ambulance yet?! Matt could be saved! He wasn't dead!...He was just joking!...Ha ha...just a joke! Matt would get up soon, they would see!

"He's not dead!"

"Mello." L said sternly. "Calm down."

But Mello wasn't listening. He was kicking again and trying to get out of Lights grip. "NO!...watch!...Matt, get up!"

An ambulance sounded nearby.

A rough blow to Light's stomach with his elbow, and Mello was free. He pushed past L and shoved the man who was tending to Matt, aside. "Matt!...stop fucking around it isn't funny!" Mello had dropped to his knees, his arms held tightly around the redheads limp and broken body.

Matt's eyes were half lidded; blood ran down from his forehead, down one side of his face. His blood covered lips were parted just slightly, and blood spilled from them over the sides of his cheeks. He felt so cold...

He was dead.

An agonized cry of misery sounded from the blond. He was sobbing uncontrollably regardless of all the eyes on him. "MATT!" He had to keep his hand against the back of Matt's head so that it didn't just fall back. God had taken Matt from him. This was what he had been frightened of earlier. Why?...Matt had done nothing wrong. He was so innocent...so young. Mello turned his face toward the dark sky once more, his expression angry, hurt...betrayed. "HE'S MINE! YOU HEAR ME?!"

The rosary was ripped from Matt's neck and the beads fell like rain drops onto the soft red splattered grass. The crucifix however was no were to be seen. It had probably fallen off in the crash...Mello didn't care. Not anymore.

"HE'S MINE!"

Matt was dead.

And Mello blamed himself.

* * *

A/N: Alright, so this was the first chapter. Sad, I know, but it gets happier. -sniffles- trust me. So, tell me if you would like for this to be continued, I don't like wasting my time.

Matt.


	2. Welcome

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_Welcome to the Planet  
Welcome to Existence  
Everyone's here...  
Everyone's here  
Everybody's watching you now.  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next?..._

* * *

_This dream...It's always this same dream. His hands roam over my body. I arch into his touch and ask, no, beg for more. I can't seem to get enough of his hot touch. He doesn't object to my plea's of '_More. Don't stop. Don't stop_!' Would I ever really say these things? I...don't think I would, but here I am...saying them. Moaning them no less. Begging to be touched and kissed by this blond man that I've never even seen before._

Who is he? I don't know him. I've never seen him before...

_"Come on, Matt. Say it." He breathes. How does he know my name? "Tell me how much you want it."_

_"Mello...d-damn it." This is his name. I know it is. But I don't know him._

_A soft chuckle and his warm breath tickles my cheek. "You know the rules."_

_Of course I know the rules. I've had this dream so many times before, so yes, I know the rules. It just so happens that my dream self doesn't want to accept them. And so the blond...Mello, stops all movements. Damn my dream self. I don't want him to stop, but I can't speak._

_He rocks his hips and I can't help but do the same. A low moan spills from my parted lips and instantly he latches onto my mouth with his own. His lips are so soft, and moist but so very rough against my own. I can do nothing but return it and whimper in pleasure as his hips continue to rock in time with mine._

_His golden hair; ice blue eyes...they look so familiar. But this is a stranger to me, how could he be familiar? I've never seen him before outside of my dreams. No, of course not. Surely, I've never met this angelic man before. Not in this Orphanage. Was he...maybe...no. He is an adult. I'm not ....I think like one though. Isn't that what all the teachers say behind my back?_

_How intelligent I am. How I'm not like the rest of the children here at the orphanage..._

_My dream self cries out in pleasure: "Mello!"_

_No. Not yet...the dream always ends the same before crossing the line into nightmare. I don't - I don't like this! Why does it always have to be the same way? I don't like it. It scares me! Not this time, please. Why can't I ever control this dream?_

_There's a split second in which I'm looking into Mello's half lidded eyes. There's a content smile on his lips...but this scene quickly melts away and then I'm sitting at the wheel of a car. Before this though, I could have sworn I saw Mello's face contort in horror. __Always the same..._

_In the mirror, I can see my eyes. There is a smile in them, though I can't see the rest of my face. This is a race and I'm winning. Its always this way._

_I can feel the first wave of fear as it rushes up my spine. Once again, I look into the small mirror above the dashboard. The smile is gone from my eyes. There is only fear. No. Not again. I don't like this! Why? Always this way.._.Always_._

_I can't look. I don't want to look anymore. My eyes shut tight, and I grip the wheel as though it where a life line. Not that it helps much. It never does. God, no. Not again please. Mello's face pops up in my head. Why? What does it mean? I don't...I don't know him! Who is he?...I don't know him...do I?_

_'Mello...'_

_Pain. There is so much pain as everything stops moving. The world has stopped moving. There is no light, despite the effort I put into trying to pry my eyes open. I can't. I just can't! Something bubbles up in my throat and I cough. Salty, metallic...Its blood. My blood. I cough and cough trying to spit it out but It won't budge._

_Air...I-I can't get enough air. The blood won't let me..._

_"Matt!..."_

_I can't breathe...I'm drowning. Mello? I can't breathe...h-help me, Mello!_

_I'm drowning!_

_"Matt!"_

- - - -

"Mello!"

His lungs burned. Cool air slowly soothed them. His chest heaved as his breath came in harsh pants. Just a dream. It's always just a dream. The same dream with the same person...and the same ending nightmare. Cold sweat runs down his neck and back and he desperately yanks off his shirt in an effort to cool his body down. Just a dream. Just...just a nightmare. Nothing more.

_Nothing more._..

"Matty...you okay?"

He hadn't realized he still had his eyes shut. No wonder everything seemed so dark to begin with. Well, darker than normal. Slowly, as if afraid of what he might see, he opened his eyes. He wasn't surprised. The small room was thick with its darkness. There was an Oak tree outside their window that kept the light of the moon out of the room and there were no lights.

"Bad dream." He replied; voice shaking.

There was a dip in the mattress and the soft creaking of metal springs as his room mate climbed onto the bed with him. "You were whinin' and stuff. Not really talkin' this time, but..."

Matt reached out into the darkness until he found the young girls arm. "But what?..." He retracted his hand a little at feeling how warm her skin felt. Fever? Most likely.. "What did I say, Veronica? What?" Matt blinked trying to make out her expression but he couldn't. It was too dark.

Veronica coughed before answering. "Well you kinda shouted, ya know? Before you woke up. 'Mello' Was what you said."

Mello. He had said the blond mans name out loud? Shouted! How embarrassing. He hadn't meant to. He didn't even know who Mello was! For all he knew, Mello was just some random person that his mind had made up. A-and...besides, Mello was an adult! A full grown man. Matt was not. What...ugh it was all so frustrating! He felt as though he were missing something painfully obvious. But what? What was he missing?

Surely this Mello wasn't real. Was he? And why was it always the same dream? Always the sex...and then the car crash. Why? What did it all mean? Mello. He...always called his name in the distance. _Always_. Is he real?

Is Mello real? Did these dreams mean something? They might! Why else would he have them so often?

"Matty."

Veronica's warm hand on his forehead brought him back to the present. "Hm?"

"Are you sick?" She asked. "You feel a little warm."

"I'm fine. You're the one that's sick." Matt smiled; a useless gesture seeing as the darkness was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. "Go back to bed. Roger said he would have a doctor in to look at you in the morning, remember?"

Veronica was quiet. She coughed and then, "You know, Matty. You...well," she paused as she coughed once more. "for a second you almost sounded kinda like my papa."

Matt watched the girls outline for a long moment. Did he? Well, it was obvious to every teacher on location that he didn't speak like a child. He spoke with a tone of confidence that matched that of a full grown man. Odd. He was only eleven years old. "Right, kid." He added the last bit with a softer tone.

Veronica had lost both her parents in a fire, and so what harm would it do to make her smile? "Now, get to bed."

Veronica giggled and coughed. Obediently, she climbed off the bed and Matt listened to her soft footsteps as she crossed the small space between their beds to get back into her own. Once he was sure that she was asleep...once her breathing was even, he pulled his knees up to his chest and he held himself.

God, he felt so lost! What was he missing? _Mello_. Is he real? Why was he having these dreams?_ Mello_. He was tired of feeling so home sick when he had never even known a home before The Wammy House orphanage. _Mello_. Why did the blond man look so familiar yet so strange! _Mello_. He had never in his life seen him in person before. Not on their monthly trips to the park...never! Matt cried.

How lost he felt. It was only at times like this, that he really and truly ever felt like a child. A scared child who never knew family, or a home of their own. Not that he could remember anyways.

He cried. Was there someone out there crying for him too? The way he was crying for all he _knew _he _didn't _know? What did he know? _Mello_. Mello was real. Yes! That was so obvious. Mello was a real person that he had loved. That had loved _him_! But...it was all so confusing.

Mello was real...and he missed him terribly.

- - -

"Mello!"

His ice blue eyes widened in surprise. "Matt?..." No. It couldn't be. Matt was dead. He wasn't coming back. Then why was he hearing his voice? Why? Constantly...Oh he was going crazy, that's why! Mello cursed and got to his feet. The apartment was so cold. So empty. It was missing Matt's warmth. His laughter; his smiles.

The blond cried out in rage. He hated the silence.

Picking up the closest thing to him, he picked it up and launched it across the room. It hit the wall and slid down to the hardwood floor with a cracking of glass and a crunching of wood. It was a picture frame. Was...a picture framed. It was useless now.

"Bastard!" Mello fisted his golden hair and let himself was to his knees. Tears ran down his cheeks. Matt was dead. He was dead!...and he was never coming back! He would never be able to laugh anymore. He would never come home to play on his PS3. _Never_. Stupid Matt!

Why did he have to go and die?! Why did he have to leave him all alone in this world full of hypocritical, two faced idiots?

"I hate you, I hate you!..." Mello sobbed. "I fuckin' hate you so much!" Did he really? No, of course not. How could he ever hate Matt? _Never_.  
The blond shook his head as if answering himself; tears still ran freely down his face. The picture frame was laying face down. Mello spotted it and crawled over on his hands and knees towards it. Carefully, he turned it over.

The glass front was completely broken. Loose pieces fell from it as Mello turned it so it was facing up. It was a picture of Matt.

He was sitting on the hood of the red Camaro he had loved so much when he was alive. A wide, goofy grin lit up his face. His dyed red hair looked to almost glow at the rays of the sun beat down on him. His eyes...Mello couldn't see his gorgeous green eyes. Matt always wore sunglasses. He hated the sun.

This was the picture Mello had taken from Matt's first race. Matt's first victory.

_How happy they both had been then._

Mello pulled the picture from the broken frame and brought it up closer so as to get a better look at it. How he missed him. Matt had been his life. Now...he felt just as dead as the poor redhead now was. He had even given up racing since Matt's death. He couldn't even look at a race track without wanting to run in the opposite direction, screaming.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean it." Mello said to the picture in his hand. He swallowed, and folded up the picture before sliding it into the back pocket of his dark jeans. "I don't hate you." He got to his feet, and crossed the living room towards the front door.

He needed to get out of this apartment or else he would surely crack again. After pocketing his keys to the apartment, slipping on his coat, and wiping away his tears, he left the apartment.

-

Outside was cold and cloudy. Any sunlight was blocked by the grey clouds that promised rain. Mello pulled his coat tighter around himself. _'Do you see, Matt? You love this type of weather_.' Cars raced by on the street and the blond had to keep his eyes on the sidewalk because all the blurred faces in the drivers seat, were Matt to him.

His feet moved one after the other, but in truth, he didn't know where he was going. He thought he had been walking in the direction of the coffee shop, so he could buy himself some hot chocolate but...somehow, he ended up at "Long Road Cemetery"

The wrought iron gates were wide open and so Mello let himself inside. The grass was wet, his boots made soft 'squelching' noises as he walked past the many grave stones and grave markers. There seemed to be no one else here at this time. He must look like a ghost, wandering the graves in search of something that he would never be able to recover.

There it was. The large tree whose branches seemed to almost bow with their weight. The leaves rustled as a breeze blew. The air tasted like rain. Mello stopped here, just under the shelter or leaves. Looking down, he reread the words that had been engraved into the black marble stone of Matt's grave marker:

'**_Mail Jeevas_**'  
_February 1st, 1990_ - _January 26th, 2008_  
_We'll miss you, Matty_.'

Mello felt his bottom lip tremble but he bit it back into submission. Enough crying. Enough.

_'We'll Miss you, Matty'_

They would. They _did_. They really did. Matt had been the glue that had kept the four of them together. Himself, L and Light. They had all meet the redhead at one time in their lives, when they had needed him the most. When they had needed a friend the most. He had been there to stick to them, no matter how much they tried to refuse his help and clever sarcasm. He had won them all over in the end. Mello, especially.

But now, they were drifting. Or, better yet, Mello was drifting. Light and L were just fine. Together.

Mello felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He tilted his head back so he was staring up at the sky. The branches of the tree's blocked his view of the grey sky above, but he didn't mind so much. He didn't want to see what Matt could not.

Out of habit he reached up, fingers searching for the silver crucifix of his rosary. When he didn't find it, he cursed himself for being such and idiot. He himself had ripped the rosary from Matt's cold and lifeless body that night. He himself had destroyed it out of hate for all things related to their 'Savior' Jesus Christ. _Bull fuckin' shit_.

_Savior. A lot of saving he did!_

The crucifix hadn't been anywhere and sight and the blond hadn't been bothered to look for it.

The wind picked up and Mello felt the cold spray of rain fly past him. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. '_Matt, it's raining now. You love the rain. Remember? You love cloudy days. Do you see it? Can you?...I'm...Matt? I-I killed you didn't I? I was the one that killed you. If only I had opened my big mouth when it really mattered then you'd still be here wanting to jump in rain puddles._

I_ killed you! I killed you Matty...I should have told you. I should have told you...Mail, do you hate me as much as I hate myself? Of course not, right? You were always so god damn soft! You let everyone take and take and FUCK! I miss you so much! I miss you. I miss your annoying video game addiction._

_I miss your scent...the way you always use to smell of cigarette smoke and Axe. I miss your taste. You always tasted of energy drinks and smoke. I miss your smile; your grin; your soft skin against mine...  
I miss you, Matt.'_

He felt the tears come and this time he didn't bother to stop them. One more time. Just one more time...

- - -

'_Hey Mello!' Matt exclaimed happily as he plopped onto the bed beside the blond._

_Mello rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his lips as he turned the page of his book. "Yeah, Matt?"_

_The redhead grinned. He was holding up his PS2 controller' the long cord dangled down onto the bed as he held it up for Mello to see. "I just beat Final Fantasy VII!" He half shouted in excitement. "It. Was. Awesome!"_

_"That's great, Matt." Mello chuckled softly. "And that's why I need to see your controller?"_

_The redhead blushed a little embarrassed. "Well, no, but...Shut up! I was excited, alright?" He tossed the controller aside, then proceeded to take the book from Mello and do the same. Before the blond could complain, Matt had their lips pressed together in a passionate kiss._

_After minimal hesitation, Mello followed suit and it wasn't long before he had the redhead on his back._

-

_An hour or so later found them laying naked and sweaty in each others arms. For a while the only sounds in the bedroom was their soft breathing._

_'Hey, Mello." Matt whispered against the skin of the blonds' throat. Mello grunted in response. His eyes were closed as he basked in the glow of his previous orgasm._

_'When ever I'm in a pinch...you'll come and save me, won't you?'_

_Mello cracked open an eye to look down at Matt's dyed red hair. He chuckled in amusement, but it was cut short when he saw the serious look on Matt's face. 'What? What are you talking about, Matt?'_

_The redhead licked his lips before replying; 'I dunno. Tifa asks Cloud this same question and so," He peeked up at Mello from under his eyelashes. 'I wanted to hear your answer.'_

_Mello kissed the top of Matt's head. 'Dork. I'm guessing I'm the, erm, Cloud...person, in this?'_

_Matt laughed. 'Yeah. Hey, you even look like him! You're both blond with blue eyes.'  
Mello laughed with him. 'So, run the question by me again.'_

_'If I'm ever in a pinch, you'll come and save me.'_

_A few seconds of silence as Mello pecked the redheads lips. 'Of course, Mail.'_

_'You won't be a 'Fail' Cloud, then?'_

_Mello laughed as he suppressed an annoyed growl. 'When have you known me to be fail anything?'_

_'True." Matt yawned and snuggled up against Mello. 'My...Cloud...' His voice trailed off as his eyes drooped closed and sleep won over._

_Mello couldn't help but smile._

- - -

How long ago had that been? Three months ago?

And Matt had been dead and buried for a whole month now.

Mello blinked back fresh tears before lowering his head to look at Matt's grave once more. "Looks like I really was a 'Fail' Cloud after all, Matt. I couldn't save you." He swallowed thickly as more tears threatened to fall. Yes.

_Just one more time_.

* * *

**A/N**: _Sorry I took forever and a day! -is upset with herself- really am. Well, hope it was worth the wait. There is a lot of confusion on both parts, so hopefully the writing reflects that, if not then I fail -face palm- haha. Alright, so there it is..._

_For those who are reading my Blood and Chocolate fic, I might not get that updated anytime soon. I'm moving back to the states with my sis, and so...dunno how long I'll be gone. FAIL. But yeah, I will soon as I can. Or I might do it before I leave. Depends on the reviews, I 'spose. _

_Much love to all who enjoy my crap writing hehe_

~Matt.


	3. Fall out

* * *

Welcome to the Fallout.  
Welcome to Resistance.  
What Happens Next?...

* * *

"Veronica," Matt's voice is barely a shocked whisper. His warm breath fogs against the ice cold glass separating him and the small girl with chocolate brown hair. Veronica is sitting outside; feet dangling off the edge of the roof. Her head is bowed under the soft rain fall. _Why is she doing this to herself! What is she thinking?!_ With a soft growl of frustration, Matt pushed the glass door open and steps out onto the rooftop. Rain quickly finds him and soaks him.

"Veronica!" He shouted over the sudden gust of wind. "What are you doing!?"

The girl didn't seem to hear him. She didn't even move.

Matt's heart is beating like he's just run a marathon. Why is he so scared? Surely she won't do what he thinks she will. No, not Veronica. She's just a sweet little girl; she's happy. Why would this even cross her mind? "Veronica!" He calls again, taking slow steps towards her.

This time, she hears him. Slowly, as if it's causing her great effort to do so, she turns her head in Matt's direction. Her chocolate brown curls are soaked and almost black now. Her short bangs stick to her pale forehead. She says something, but Matt can't hear what it is, only sees her lips move, but there is no doubt in his mind that she must have said his name.

'_Matt_?'

Matt shudders as another gust of wind blows, and he cringes as Veronica's whole body shakes as she coughs. "Veronica, lets go inside!" His steps are still slow and calm. He doesn't want to scare her. "Please! You'll get even sicker!"

To his surprise, the young girl slowly starts to get to her feet, and it's all Matt can do to keep his heart from bursting from his chest. '_She's going to fall, oh god, she's going to fall_' "Veronica, wait! I'll come get you!" He's jogging now and Veronica is still getting to her feet. _Oh, god_. He can't let her fall.

"Matty," She whispers once he's close enough. "Why are you yellin' so much?" She's standing still right at the edge, her whole body shaking. "You're gonna wake up all the other kids and Roger." Despite the cold, and her fading voice, she sounds so calm. So at ease with her current situation.

Matt watches her, chest heaving. Why? Out of fear, probably. Fear for her. Fear for himself, for this poor girl is his one and only companion. "V, please..." He says. "Get down from there and come inside. You're all wet, and you still haven't gotten over your fever, please." His voice is almost hysterical. He just wants her to come back inside with him so that they can get her dry and away from the edge of the roof.

"Matty," Veronica smiles and it scares him so, so much. It's a sad smile that says so much more than she lets on. A smile that no little girl should ever wear on her beautiful freckled face. _Never_. "I don't wanna go back inside. I'm not gonna." Then, she giggles. "Matty, I don't belong here. This isn't Texas, this isn't my home. I miss my mama and papa. I...I should have gone with them, ya know? It isn't fair for me to keep on livin' while they're not here. It's not right." She smiled again and then turned her head away from Matt to look down at the wet, grass below.

Matt's heart is hammering in his chest. "Veronica, that's not true." He reaches out for her hand, but he quickly regrets it. She moves out of the way and slips a little on the wet cement. "V! Please, get down from there!"

"No, Matty. I wanna see my mama again. I want them...and according to the movies this is the only way I'm gonna do it."

"No...Veronica, wait."

"C'mon, Matt. You're going to be adopted! Smile a little."

"No, don't!...I don't want you to- NO!" Matt swore he felt his heart stop for a second. "Roger! Roger!" His cries echo through out the yard and grey roof top. He should have done this sooner! He should have called for Roger the second he saw Veronica out on the ledge. "Roger!" His whole body trembles and it's not from the cold rain. It's from seeing his only friend, two floors below, laid out on the grass in a heap. Unmoving. "Veronica!" And he can't seem to understand whether he's really crying or not...it is raining after all. "Oh my god...no..."

He's never felt this alone in so long. It's like he can almost feel her burn out, like a candle. She isn't there anymore. And in this orphanage, it will be as if she never had been to begin with.

"Veronica!"

-

"I'm sorry, Matt. But that is life. There was nothing you could have done to save that poor girl. She was sick, mentally as well. Her actions confirm that."

Mentally sick? She was a little girl! She was nine years old for Christ's sake! Matt felt the tears run down his cheeks. He was so angry. Why was Roger so damn calm?

Veronica was dead...a nine year old had committed suicide and he was acting as if he was waiting for it to happen. As if it were normal for kids to jump off the side of buildings! Did he think it was a joke? Because he didn't recall seeing Veronica jump up and laugh afterwards.

"No more tears, Matt. You'll never find a good home like that." Roger says in his old, tired voice. "Wash your face. A lovely couple will be coming in to get you. You'll see, you'll like them."

No. He didn't want a lovely couple to come get him. He didn't want any parents! He wanted Veronica!

"I don't want a family."

"That is not for you to decide." The old man's bones creaked as he stood up off the bed. "Clean up, child. You look like hell." And with that, the old man took his leave, closing the heavy mahogany door behind him.

Out of anger, Matt picks up the pillow resting on his bed and tosses it away. It just slumps on the floor with little noise. Why did Veronica have to go? She was his safe place. His friend. He told her about all his dreams; about Mello. Now, who was he suppose to talk to? Everyone would think him a nut job. Veronica was the only one he could turn to. The only one he could really be himself around and not have to pretend to be the eleven year old they all thought him to be.

_Mello_

Matt gasped out loud, like something had burned him. Mello. He was real, right?! What if he went to find him?! Would...would he take him in? Would he save him from a life in the orphanage; Save him from some strangers that he'd have to call parents? Of course, right? Mello loved him! And sure, maybe he himself didn't remember the blond stranger all too well, but he did know that Mello did, and that there was obviously a time where Matt had loved him too.

So it was decided. He had to leave.

He had to find, Mello.

- - -

Music is blaring, colored lights touch over every warm, sweaty body on the dance floor. The air is thick with the scent of drugs and sex. That's what everyone present is there for. Drugs, beer, and lots of sex.

The party is held in one of the fancy lofts somewhere deep in the heart of New York. Why no one has called to complain about the loud music, is unclear. Not that anyone is really lingering on things such as that. They're all too busy caught up in their body heat. Their high.

"_Fuck_, yes..." He groaned to himself. His head felt light as he pulled the needle from his forearm. It felt like his veins were on fire, with a delicious burn. His eyes fluttered shut and he felt his lips part in a low moan before a wide, euphoric smile spread over them. "Mm," He looked to the young woman sitting beside him, she had the same glazed eyes that he did; the same high.

"c'mere, babe." His voice is low, sultry. The woman is all too willing to lean in closer. Their lips meet and he reaches up to cup one of the woman's breasts. All the while, he can't help thinking; '_This feels odd_' It's not something he's use too. He isn't use to feeling the swell of breasts. He isn't use to the sickly sweet smell of perfume. He isn't use to _women_.

Yeah, this isn't right. Everything about this isn't right. But honestly, with this high, he can't bring himself to care. All he wants, is to release all his pent up anger, hurt...everything, he wants to release it into this body. This woman.

"Shh," He whispers to her. His hands trail lower, lower, under her skirt and he smiles to himself when he hears her suck in a breath.

He's lost himself. This is what he wants. What he craves for day after day. He wants to lose himself, his thoughts. He wants to lose Matt because the pain of having him, but not having him, is just too painful. Too confusing. Too frustrating. Like Light said: '_It's been two months. It's time to move on.'_ Yeah. That's exactly what he's doing.

He's moving on.

* * *

**A/N: **I hate Mello right now. Haha, because he's screwin' chicks. Blah. So, we say good-bye to Veronica after only knowing her for one chapter. GOD I'm worse than J.K Rowling! 'Nywho, she has an accent, its not my bad spelling, stfu. Short chapter, I know. Deal with it. I don't reread my shit, because I'm paranoid, so I do have mistakes. Spell Check can only do so much.

_Still Interested? Let me know. Don't like wasting my time. _

~ Matt.


	4. Tension

* * *

_Where can you go to escape from Yourself?  
The Tension is here.  
What Happens next?_

* * *

Rain beat down on the cement turning it from its dull grey to a dark, almost murky brown color. It was so cold. How long had he been out here? Hours? Seconds?Seemed more like an eternity. The wind was beginning to pick up, whipping his soaked brown hair now so many shades darker, around his face. The water was so cold, it stung.

He was an idiot_._

Yes, he was an idiot for even beginning to think that he would be able to find Mello. God! He was so stupid! He had left the dry, warm, comfort of his bed and now he was lost with no way to get back! His feet slapped against the wet pavement, sending water from the puddles collecting there to soak into his shoes and jeans. Where was he? Where else could he go?

The sun was starting to set and he had been out since early morning. It was the only time he could get out without being noticed. When everyone was fast asleep. Matt looked around the busy streets, desperate for some kind of shelter from the cold spray, but there was none that he could see. His lungs were burning, his sides ached, and so he slowed his running to a slow walk.

Feet dragging along the wet cement, he reached up to wipe the fog his warm breath created on the lenses of his goggles. Eventually, he pulled them off all together, simply moving them down to hang loosely around his neck. People driving in their cars would cast him odd looks as they drove past him, but no one, Matt noted with a bit of irritation, stopped to ask if he was okay. _No one._ He couldn't help but think the world an awful place. No one gave two shits so long as everything was right in their own pathetic lives.

Matt's hair was soaked and dripping; his long sleeved shirt was too big on him and the water that soaked within the striped material made it feel so heavy on his shoulders. No one cared. But they all _stared_. Up ahead there was a playground, or more so, Matt hoped it was a playground and not some kind of mirage but...those only happened when people got lost in the desert, right? Regardless, Matt ran towards the possibility of shelter from the pouring rain.

The sand surrounding the plastic play set was dark and sticky. He climbed on, scampering to sit under the top part where the only plastic blue roof called to him, inviting him to sit and dry himself. Sure, it wasn't a fireplace but it was something. As he sat there, holding himself and shivering; teeth chattering inside his mouth audibly, he thought of Mello.

Was the blond man looking for him now? Would he know that he had escaped the orphanage? Would he know to come find him here? Matt hoped so, but he doubted it. Tears were spilling down his cheeks but he hadn't noticed them until a little sniffle made his nose sting from the cold. Why was he crying?...

He missed Mello.

- - - -

"Light, you know he won't listen." L mumbled around his thumb. The rain had calmed considerably, reduced to a light drizzle. His dark hair was dry but none the less a little frizzy from the moisture; his eyes were half lidded with stress as he continued to speak. "If he wants to waste his life...then who are we to interfere?"

Light, made a sound of disgust low in his throat, obviously not liking L's dismissive attitude. "You're so quick to give up on him? Don't you understand that he's in pain?" A growl of frustration. "Matt's death hit him far too hard, L. He needs time and company...He-"

"Matt's death hit us all hard."

And it surprised Light how high L's voice had gotten in that second. It had shook with his efforts to keep his tone passive as he always was, but Light wasn't fooled. The raw emotion was there but the dark haired man always refused to show it.

"He was Mello's boyfriend." Light added. "You have to understand what that must feel like."

L was silent. He had moved his thumb from his lips by now, both hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his navy blue coat. Then, he looked up as if to look at the sky, but the umbrella that Light was holding over both their heads was in the way. "Tell me, Light." He said in a soft tone. "How do you save someone who refuses to be saved?"

And it was Light's turn to be silent for he didn't know the answer.

Soon, the drizzle disappeared all together, leaving behind only cold winds. Their apartments weren't far from their work building with the NYPD, so they always chose to walk; rain or shine. A pregnant silence had fallen over the pair after L's question succeeded in silencing Light's plea's to help their friend out of his slump.

On the street, car horns honked and people shouted at each other in greeting or parting. New York's usual hustle and bustle going about its day without a single care in the world. A playground loomed ahead, and Light felt the dark haired man beside him shudder delicately. Light knew why. This very playground was where they had first met L. Back when he was known simply as the '_Freak on the swing_'

Light turned to L and gave the dark haired man a warm reassuring smile. "Hey," He whispered. "Want to go swing? For old times sakes?" Though L looked less than enthusiastic about the idea, Light didn't wait for a response. He took L's hand and led him over to the dark sand.

"Light," L protested but the brunette only chuckled in response.

"Come on, L. It won't hurt."

The old swing sets were swaying back and forth against the wind with a light squeak as the rusty metal was forced to move after not being used for so long. It was in good condition, but a new playground had been opened up somewhere nearby and so all the parents took their children to the 'New playground' instead. Really, how snobby some people could be. It was a perfectly good playground...

L's musings stopped there for they had reached the damp sand, and Light had already rushed over to one of the swings and sat himself down. There was a teasing smile on his lips that just screamed; '_Easy way? or Hard way._' And so L, being the tired detective he was, padded over and took a seat on the swing beside Light. "Right," He started in a casual tone as he kicked some dark sand around. Most of which only stuck to his shoes and it really bugged him. "are we through with this? What will they say of two grown men on a playground? It's just asking for parents to run the other way."

"Why?" Light frowned. He had started swinging now, the squeak of rusted metal loud in their ears. Then, something in L's impatient gaze must have triggered the light bulb in Light's mind, and the brunette grinned. "Oh, I see. We look like pedophiles. Ah, well, I'm willing to live with that, now come on. Swing."

A deep frown had taken residence on L's lips. He regarded Light with a very annoyed, 'I_'ll be depriving you of sex, now_' look in his eyes before he began to swing.

Slowly at first, then faster, higher, so the cool night air caressed his skin and broke goose bumps across it. It had been so long since he was last here this way. Swinging, he couldn't help the soft amused chuckle that bubbled in his throat; it felt like nothing could touch him. Nothing could hurt him. And the world seemed a lot friendlier when you were going so fast that everything seemed to blend together in a swirl of light and color. The world was better this way.

Beside him, Light was trying to keep up with the dark haired detectives speed. There was laughter, and for a second, Light didn't recognize it. He had never heard this sound before. Especially not from L. L was laughing. It was loud but so smooth and it was so...happy and free. As if he were a child and not the uptight, no nonsense adult he had become. Light found himself laughing as well and he thought they must look like complete idiots, but that was okay. As long as L was happy, that was okay.

Light's mind wandered to a time where L was just a stranger on a swing set. Back before they had met him, the whole city would bustle on past him without so much as a glance. Well, maybe one or two and then a few raised eyebrows. L was there everyday, swinging and sometimes laughing to himself, his eyes shut as he saw what he felt the world _should _be and what others _wouldn't_ see. _Couldn't_ see, even if they tried. L was so much like a child despite his outside appearances. On the inside, he was still a child who had seen far too much and now just needed a little peace of mind.

That's exactly what the swing did for him. And Light just wanted the dark haired man to feel that peace once more, no matter how long it had been since L had given up his swinging days in order to put more effort into his work. In order to 'grow up.'

Matt's death had indeed hit them all hard but L had yet to shed a single tear and in Light's eyes, that was very unhealthy. If L was bottling up his feelings then one day, that bottle would slip from between the dark haired mans slender fingers and shatter into a thousand pieces. All of the concealed emotion would overwhelm him and he would snap under the sheer amount of emotion. Light himself had cried...everyone knew Mello had cried for days, but L had refused. Light wanted to help L see that it was okay but the dark haired detective was as stubborn as he was intelligent.

"Ready to get going?" Light had stopped swinging by now, content with watching L swing away. He was glancing at his watch as L began to bring his swing to a slow stop. "It's already 8:45." The sky was dark and there were only a few stars visible, but that was due to all the light's of the big city. The stars weren't bright enough to hold a candle to the lights of New York.

"Yeah." L stood, both hands deep inside the pockets of his coat. "Can we stop by Baileys for some brownies?"

Light chuckled as he got to his feet. "Of course." L was happy and so was he. He was glad that his plan had worked. He linked his arm with L's and began to lead the way back onto the sidewalk, when a quiet cough made them both turn in the direction of the playground set. They both looked at each other with twin looks of curiosity before walking back toward the small steps that lead up onto the play set.

Light unlinked his arm with L and gave the dark haired man a quick smile before climbing up the steps to cross the mini bridge that lead up to the top of the slide. There was another cough and it didn't take Light long to find the wet mess of child huddled up in a small ball at the top of the play set where the little plastic roof was. "Christ, L it's a kid!" He shouted in a panic as he rushed forward, ignoring the play sets groans of protest under his weight. He heard L's frantic footsteps coming after him as soon as the words had left his lips.

"Hey," Light was huddling under the small plastic roof as he shook the wet mess. "kid, wake up. Go home." But there was no response. Only soft breathing and Light felt his heart plunge into his stomach. What if the kid was dying? Where the hell were the kids parents? Did he even have any? L was standing behind him, unable to fit under the tiny roof if Light was there two. They were too big. "Kid!"

"Is he okay?"

"Wait..." Light replied, watching as the small boy began to move. "Hey," He whispered as he helped the boy into a sitting position. His dark brown hair was sticking to his cheeks and forehead and there was a light pink tint to his pale white cheeks and nose. As he took in the sight of Light kneeling in front of him and then L's hunched figure behind him, he blinked back tears for he felt something deep inside him, he felt that he knew these two from somewhere but he couldn't quite remember from where.

"Where are your parents?" Light asked as he brushed some of the boy's hair from his face.

The boy just stared up at him; his green eyes glassy and distant. Who were they? How frustrating! He knew them! He had seen them somewhere! He shut his eyes tight as he forced himself to remember who they were. He tried to piece together names and faces.

-

_"I got in!" Light exclaimed happily. He was holding a thick manila envelope in one hand, and a letter in the other. "I got in, I got in! I got into St. Johns!" He was parading about the room, holding up the acceptance letter for all to see. Everyone was clapping and shouting random words of congratulations. Though the only people present were L, Mello and Matt, Light would still be properly congratulated._

_L was the first to move. He embraced the excited brunette and placed a chaste kiss to his lips. "And you were worried you wouldn't make the cut." He purred out, promising much more than the soft kiss, later._

_Mello simply clapped, a teasing smile on his lips. But Matt jumped up from his seat beside the blond and ran at Light, forcing L to jump out of the way before he could run him over, and practically tackled him. "I told you!" He shouted as they spun around, Lights arm wrapped tightly around the redhead. He had dropped the envelope but the letter was still clutched in his hand. When they stopped spinning and Light's laughter had calmed down some, Matt pointed straight at Mello. "Now pay up Mello, you owe me and L fifty dollars!"_

_More laughter, though Light did express his annoyance with a reply of; "You were betting on whether I got in or not? You assholes!" And with this Light let Matt jump off him. "I can't believe it! I'm going to be a detective soon!"_

_"Believe it." L smiled at him._

-

"Light..." He whispered, eyes tearing up. His whole body shook and it was not just because of the cold, it was the pure joy of seeing his two best friends again. What had happened? Why was he this way? And...what could he do to make them see who he was. That it was really him underneath the young naive eyes, and soft child's skin.

Without thinking, he sat up and threw himself at Light, burying his wet face against his strong warm chest. "Help me!" He sobbed. "Help me, please...I don't know what to do!"

Behind him, L was speechless. His eyes were a little wide.

Light's arms were lame at his sides not sure what to do. He couldn't just go hugging random children on the streets, what would the boys parents think? And how did he know his name? It sent chills down his spine but he ignored them for now. He decided that it was okay just this once, and patted the boys back softly. "Where are your parents?"

Matt sobbed harder. They didn't know who he was! They didn't know it was him...They would never believe him. "I don't...I don't have any! Light, please!" He begged as he clutched the front of the brunettes coat in his small hands.

L's soft gasp made Light blink in surprise. He didn't look in the dark haired man's direction though, his eyes were wide as he stared down at the small boy holding onto him as though his life depended on it. He knew his name. Did he know this kid? No, he would remember. Determination set, Light wrapped his arms around the boy, holding him close and enveloping in warmth. "Shh, you can come with us. It'll be okay."

"It's getting late, Light. Lets get going." L's voice sounded distant. He was lost in his thoughts, no doubt, trying as hard as Light was to remember who this child was. He sounded so familiar. Hearing the boy talk; he sounded more like an adult than a child.

Light nodded as he stood with the sobbing child cradled in his arms. "It's okay. You're safe now."

_'You're safe now.'_

He was never in any danger. He was just so lost!

* * *

**A/N**: I feel as though I write and write and in the end I say nothing at all. Whatever. I'm sure you understand why there is so much confusion in every chapter. If you don't then I'm sorry, but everything will make sense in the end. This is a very short story. Matt has flashbacks, and he slowly begins to remember things of his past life. (lots of mistakes. bite me)

Let me know if you're still interested and I'll deliver.

~ Matt.


	5. Who You Could Be

* * *

_ Between who you are and who you could be.  
Between how it is and how it should be.  
I Dare You to Move._

* * *

Light pooled on the dark cement from the streetlamps. The night seemed starless, but Mello didn't exactly care. Who the hell had time for stars? Not him, that was for sure. Few cars were moving by on the dark streets and Mello was content to fly on past them on his motorcycle. His leather clung to his body as he weaved through the cars that got in his way. Things...just seemed right this way; through the plastic covering of his riding helmet, as cold wind rushed around him. Yes. Things just seemed right.

He had been out on his bike for a while now. Two hours to be exact, just moving and moving and but not really getting anywhere. Not that he had anywhere in mind to begin with. This was just one way to leave everything behind him. The drugs, the women, the parties, _Matt_...Just for a while. It was a break from all that, because he knew that as soon as he stopped, he would be thrown back into the never ending circle of drugs, women and parties once more, all for the sake of forgetting the one person he had never thought he'd want to forget.

Yet, here he was. Speeding into a dark uncertain abyss. Christ. He swallowed back the raw emotion that had suddenly risen in his throat with difficulty. _Christ_. He needed to get home. He needed his fix. The affects of the last dose were beginning to wear off and his emotions -previously numbed- were rushing back to him faster than the wind around him was blowing. Thinking quickly, he made a sharp turn at the next stop light and headed for home. Well, he headed for his apartment, because really, he didn't think of it as a home. Not without Matt. It just didn't feel right to say so.

Mello's phone was vibrating at the front of his leather pants and he ignored it. If it was important, they would leave a message and then the blond would see to calling back after he deemed the message important enough. His ride ended when he came to the apartment building. Slowing, he moved into the parking structure and parked his glossy black bike in its usual parking space. Beside it, where a bright red Camaro should be, was Matt's parking spot. But the car, and its owner, would never come back to claim it. Shuddering, Mello slid off the bike and hurried on into the warmth of the building, where the ghosts of his past wouldn't be able to reach him. (Just yet.)

The apartment was dark but Mello took care of that with a flick of the light switch. The whole living room area illuminating within seconds. Mello tugged off his helmet and sat it down on the round table before hurrying into his bedroom to hunt down a quick fix. And he found it in the form of a small pill. Popping it into his mouth, he let its acidic taste sink into his tongue. It was so familiar; so welcoming, like a lovers embrace. Staggering a little, the blond had to use to wall for support for a few short seconds as he regained his balance. Then, a coy smile spread across his lips as he reached inside his leather pants for his cell phone.

There was one missed call and a message there flashing in its efforts to be seen but Mello ignored it. It was just from Light. Whatever he had to say to Mello could wait. Especially if it was about his unhealthy addictions. After looking through his contacts for a good long while, Mello grinned to himself upon finding the person he had been searching for, then, he hit 'Call' and waited.

"Sarah," Mello purred into the cell phone. The woman on the other line excited at this, babbling her '_Hello's_' and '_How are you's_' but the blond didn't have the time or the patience for that sort of talk tonight. "I'm feeling lonely...maybe you should fix that." Waiting. Always waiting. Having to listen to them ramble on and try to make conversation. When she was finished speaking in her 'seducing' tone, Mello chuckled, a dark, sexy sound that seemed to always excite the girls that much more before replying; "Right, the doors unlocked. I'll be waiting."

God. He was so high.

- - - -

"No answer?" L asked from his seat on the couch. A thumb was pressed to his pink lips, eyes distant as his mind worked. He didn't react when Light simply shook his head and walked around the back of the couch toward the kitchen. Silence. Heavy and uncomfortable for their minds were overflowing with questions and theories that it was a miracle they hadn't begun shouting.

The child. He had known his name. This was what Light kept repeating over and over in his mind. Even as he went about the small kitchen preparing some coffee for himself and L. God knows, they needed the damn boost. Silly as it was, Light kind of knew. He knew that this child...that finding him was no coincidence. Something, and Light didn't know if he was going insane or not, something was just nagging at him...screaming at him that this child was actually...

"Light," L's voice brought him out of his thoughts, sending him head first into the present, where hot water had splashed onto his hand.

"Shit!" He cursed and set the coffee pot aside so he could blow on his hand. God, had he really lost himself that deep in his thoughts? Now his hand was freakin' killing him. A red mark was beginning to form on the otherwise flawless skin. Light turned to L, who had come to stand beside him, thumb still pressed to his lips as he inspected the brunette's hand.

"What are you thinking, Light?" He continued.

Light really had no way of answering this question. Well, not without sounding like a total nut job, so, he settled for shrugging casually. He wanted badly to tell L what he thought. What...god, what he thought the young boy was. Or rather, _who_ he was. "Coffee's ready. Here," He slid the container that held the sugar toward L before pouring some coffee for himself, careful this time not to bathe himself in it.

L hesitated for only a second before proceeding to spoon sugar into his coffee. Spoonful after spoonful, and for a second Light thought the dark haired man had lost himself in his thoughts as well, before remembering that L liked to eat his coffee rather than drink it. (What with the thick paste it became after he added all the sugar.) Then, he spoke, and it was in a tone so soft and pleading that Light felt himself wince in guilt: "Please."

Watching as L mixed his pasty coffee, Light exhaled and moved to place a soft kiss to the dark haired mans cheek. "Will you tell me what you're thinking?"

"Yes."

"Right." Light licked his lips. "Well, I was thinking about how this kid knows my name. I mean, its obvious I've never seen him before, let alone introduced myself to him, so it's odd that he knew and I sure as hell know it wasn't just a lucky guess, L so please don't give me that look." He sighed and stared down at his dark coffee, a digit running idly along the rim of the mug. "It's crazy, L, but...I feel like I know him."

L had been sloshing his coffee paste around in his mug -which was clamped between his hands- and only now did he look up at the brunette, dark eyes like graves. Silent despite the millions of questions in them, begging to be asked. "Crazy, indeed." He murmured. "But," There was a pause. A pause that had Light's heart pounding in his chest, like it was being fueled by adrenaline. Why? He didn't really know. Or maybe he _did_. "I feel the same way."

A quiet cough made them both start. the both of them turned toward the sound of the noise and were surprised to see the young boy standing there at the entrance to the kitchen, arms wrapped around himself as if he were cold. And maybe he was. It was a cool night. Still, neither Light nor L made any moves, or spoke. It wasn't until the brown haired boy took a small step into the kitchen, that Light was hurrying over, getting on one knee to be level with him.

"Hey, kid. Are you feeling okay?" Not waiting for a response, he pressed the back of his hand to the boy's forehead. It was slightly warm but nothing serious. He'd be fine. Smiling a little, he added. "Thought you'd be out till morning." Behind him, L was calmly spooning coffee into his mouth. Well, as calmly as one can look with their hands shaking.

Matt sniffed and blinked once. Light really didn't see him. He wasn't able to see past the messy brown locks, the small body that wasn't his. Light couldn't find him and it killed him. It really did. But, he didn't say anything on the matter, didn't try to explain. Not right this second. For now, he had his two best friends back and he didn't want to screw that up. "I'm okay." He replied.

"Are you hungry?" This time it was L who spoke. And smiling shyly, Matt admitted that he was. "I'll get you something." The dark haired man set his mug down and busied himself with rummaging through the fridge for some leftovers to heat up.

"Here," Light lifted the boy up and sat him down on the kitchen counter. It was odd. He felt at east with this kid. Like he had known him for the longest time and honestly, that's what he thought. And damn, even L had admitted to feeling that way so there must be something there. Crazy as they sounded, Light was just not going to let this go just yet. "I'm sorry about the clothes being too big."

Matt smiled a little, cheeks turning a light pink. He had been given one of L's t-shirts that was too long for him, and a pair of Light's boxers, partly because L didn't believe in underwear and so didn't own any. (Same went for socks.) "S'okay. They're warm." Feeling himself a lot lighter than he had felt in a long time, he began to swing his feet a little, watching L work the kitchen with his slow steps and movements.

Light nodded, returning the smile. And he kept it in place even as he asked what both he and L had been wanting to ask since they brought him home. "So, what were you doing out on the street? I'm sure someone has to be looking for you, I mean...did you run away from home?" The smile faded a little at this though as he caught the hurt in the boys bright green eyes. There was so much pain and fear there, even if it had only been a single flash of emotion before it was replaced by the same innocent ignorance.

"I didn't have a home to run away from, but...I 'spose you could say I did." Matt rubbed at his eyes and was surprised to find that he had been able to at all. Where were his goggles? Ugh, hadn't he noticed that everything was bright and colorful instead of the usual gold? Geez. "I ran away from the Wammy House...the erm,"

"The orphanage?" Light's brow furrowed the slightest bit, in thought. Behind him, L had frozen a little. It was clear that L was thinking the same thing he was. They were rethinking their theories, their crazy assumptions. If the boy had come from an orphanage, then did this change everything? Had it really just been coincidence that brought them together then? Possibly. Though, a part of him wished it didn't. Wished that he was right.

"Mhm." Matt ran a hand through his hair, nervously. "Y-you're not going to send me back are you?"

Silence.

Matt felt tears well up in his eyes. Sometimes, the silence could be so god damn loud! The answer was there...And he could feel himself falling and his insides twisting, trying to tear themselves apart. They couldn't do that to him. They couldn't leave him. Not again. "Please," He squeaked and without thinking, he grabbed the front of Light's shirt pulling him close enough so that he could hide his face against the strong chest. "I don't want to go back, Light. You...y-you and L can keep me locked in here, I don't care, but please just...d-don't take me back."

More silence and fuck was it ever unnerving. Matt just clung to Light's shirt, body shaking with his desperate plea's to please not leave him again. To not let him go back to that shit hole because the kids their were only just barely human. And this time, L was the one to speak and though his voice was soft, it was still firm and demanding. "What's my name?"

Blinking, Light looked over his shoulder at the dark haired man, giving him a look that quite plainly asked if the man was crazy. But L ignored it and simply stared at the young boy clinging to his boyfriend. Waiting.

Did this mean...was L catching on? Was he beginning to see through this mask? Did he know it was him now and he was just testing him? Oh, Christ he hoped that was the case because then, all that would be left, would be to get them to let him see Mello and everything would be as it was. He felt excitement bubble up in his chest and he forced himself to look at L. Voice trembling, he replied. "L Lawliet. You g-give everyone else an alias. Lee Lawrence."

The silence returned. This time, Light spoke. And it was a question that neither he nor L had asked the boy, almost afraid of the answer. Afraid that they could be wrong. Afraid that they could be right..."What's your name, kid?"

And a small, shy smile spread across the boys pink lips. Almost as if to say 'I thought you'd never ask'.

"Matt."

- - - -

**_Knock__ Knock_**

Who the fuck would be wanting to see him this early? Grunting, Mello turned to look at the digital clock sitting at his end table. It flashed an irritating '_7:15 AM_' and the blond couldn't suppress the low growl of annoyance as he got to his feet. This had better be good. He was already half way to the door when he saw that he was stark naked. "Fuckin' Hell." He growled before going back to slip on a pair of sweats.

"Coming!" He shouted when the knocking started up again, frantic and impatient. He didn't bother trying to hide his bitterness because god damn it he was exhausted and he had a head ache that was radiating in his shoulders. The high had worn off as Sarah, his fuck buddy the previous night, left. He had had his fun, screwing the girl for all he was worth, losing himself in her moist heat and exaggerated moans...

Mello unlocked the door and pulled it open, a scowl fixed on his face. And he had only two seconds to register the two familiar faces of L and Light before something crashed into him and gripped his waist, tight. The air rushed out of him a little and he looked down, eyes wide with shock. Obviously he hadn't been expecting this. "What the hell?" He looked up at the two who were taking their coats off as L closed the apartment door. "I hope you're not here looking for a babysitter." Mello growled out, not even moving to brush the kid off him. Hey, kids were okay with him. He was just in a grumpy mood at the moment.

L and Light exchanged looks before the brunette gently pulled Matt from the blond. "Mello, we need to talk."

And then, time froze. The boy had looked up at him and everything just stopped. Eyes widening, Mello felt his lips part to speak, but no coherent sound came. Those eyes. Those gorgeous green pools...he had seen them before. And he turned to look at the photograph he had of Matt sitting on a small shelf, only to find it wasn't there anymore. Right...he had thrown it out. Looking back at the boy -who looked hurt and frightened- Mello felt his body shut down. What the fuck?

Mello was on his knees in front of the green eyed boy. Fingers shaking as he reached up to run his fingers through the soft brown hair. Unbelievable. Was he dreaming? Was he still asleep? Crap, his whole body was shaking. Then, the young boy grinned despite the obvious worry in his bright eyes. A grin that Mello knew...or had known so well. The boy touched his finger tips to Mello's hands -now cupping his small face- and then, everything went black.

The blond had only managed to murmur a single word before he slumped onto his side, unconscious.

"_Matt_."

* * *

**A/N**: I take forever to update this story, huh? Sorry. Ah well, its updated now, and that's what counts. Yes? 'Course. Review?

~ Matt.


	6. Redemption

* * *

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell.  
Where you gonna go?  
Salvation is Here._

* * *

"Hey, Matty? Looks like I wasn't much of a 'fail' Cloud after all."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I played that game...he doesn't save Aerith. You know, her? He doesn't get there in time, so..." A soft chuckle. "Not fail at all. I'm actually pretty damn spot on and...I'm sorry."

"...Mello. You need to stop, alright? It's not healthy for you to be beating yourself up over something that was never your fault."

"Fuck are you talking about, Matt? Of course it was my fault!"

"How?"

"..." A sigh. "I let you get into that damn car. I practically shoved you inside your coffin, Matt!"

"Not true, fucktard and you know it. I stepped into that car on my own. I don't remember any shoving."

"It was my fault."

Light and L exchanged looks but said nothing. They had been standing around in Mello's room, waiting for the blond to regain consciousness. They had even called in at the NYPD that they would be late or most likely than not, not coming in at all that day. No work today. Not when there was healing to be done.

Matt was seated beside the still unconscious blond on his side of the bed. Or, it had been his side of the bed before the accident. Although Matt liked to think it was still his side, regardless of the current situation. That being that he was stuck inside a child's body while Mello was still the tall nineteen year old- oh actually, the thirteenth of December had passed already, so, Mello was now twenty, while...he was stuck in an eleven year old body. Sighing, Matt looked to L and Light for a brief second before looking back to Mello. "It wasn't your fault, Mello. I swear." He murmured.

Mello was silent. His eyes were moving beneath his closed eyelids, pink lips parted, but otherwise he said nothing. It looked like he was fighting. But fighting what? Himself? Trying to regain consciousness because he knew that Matt was here now? Whatever it was, it looked as though Mello was losing. That is, until Matt caressed his cheek, fingers just barely brushing against the soft skin. "It is, Matty..." He replied, clear as day. "I killed you."

"Matt, mayb-"

"Shut up." Matt half growled at Light. There were frustrated tears in his eyes but they didn't fall.

"He thinks he's dreaming!" Light shouted back. He was just as frustrated as the young boy and it was clear as his fists shaking at his sides. Mello was so god damn knocked out that he didn't even know what was going on! Matt was just getting his hopes up in talking to him this way. Hell, how the blond was even responding was a wonder to them all but it looked as if Matt wasn't going to question it much.

Light could only imagine what it must be like. Losing the one you love for so long and then getting the chance to see and talk to them again. Of course Matt was desperate. Of course he wasn't going to let anything stop him; let anyone tell him what he could and shouldn't do. So, Light kept his mouth shut now, watching with his frustration bordering anger towards Mello who had chosen now of all times to faint. Bloody idiot.

"Mello," Matt whispered. Then there was a pause as he moved to crawl over on top of the blond, straddling his hips as he let his small hands run over the smooth muscles of Mello's bare chest. God, he had missed this. The feel of the warm, skin. The perfect lips. The soft, shiny golden hair. And now he had it all back but it felt as though he were having a nightmare. He couldn't see Mello's eyes. His ice blue eyes that felt so warm despite their coldness. "You're a fuckin' moron, I hope you know." He finished before he cupped the blond s cheeks and pressed their lips together.

There was a thick, heavy silence as this happened. How odd it must look. Despite knowing that this was actually Matt and not...a child. Well, technically it was...or he was but...it was really complicated and so both L and Light decided that they would let Matt do as he pleased.

Matt could feel the tears beginning to slide down his cheeks when he was met with Mello's unresponsive lips. It felt...it felt as though Mello was the one dead now. He knew the blond was just exhausted. According to Light and L, Mello had turned to drugs and meaningless one night stands since his own death. And judging by the call history on the blonds cell phone, last night had been no difference. Matt could almost taste the woman on his lips and it made the tears flow faster.

And then, trembling hands ran through his light brown hair, bringing him closer and the lips beneath him began to move. It took a full two seconds for Matt to realize that Mello was finally returning his kiss, that his hands were moving over his body; and two more to find himself pinned beneath the blond, both his hands pinned above his head while the once unresponsive lips moved against his, firm and frantic and god did he ever love it. But, he could hear L and Light shouting and Mello to get off him. They sounded so far away...

A warm hand was running down his chest and Matt practically purred against the blonds lips. But those faces in the background were starting to get annoying. L and Light again and this time he could feel Mello's lips press harder against his own, it was almost a little painful. Mello was using his teeth now and his sharp nails were under his shirt biting into the flesh, making him groan in pain.

"Get off him!" Matt couldn't tell who had said it.

"Mello, do you realize what you're doing?"

But Mello wasn't listening. He was already trying to get Matt out of his shirt. He was wide awake now. But there was something off about him. It was in his eyes. It was as if he wasn't all there. And it was only then that Matt began to struggle. Fuck, but he was stuck in this useless body. Mello could overpower him with little to no effort. And hell, that s exactly what he was doing. Then, just as quickly as it had started, it was over. Mello was off him and the shouting and cursing began.

"Fuck off me!" Mello was shouting as he struggled to get out of Lights tight grip, but the brunette wasn't giving in. "Let go!" As he kept struggling, his eyes were locked on Matt's and the young boy felt his blood freeze in his veins. What was wrong with Mello? Why did he want to hurt him? Had he moved on? Was that it? No...It couldn't be...

"Control yourself, Mello. Regardless of who he is, we have to focus on 'what' he is for now!" L's voice was firm, demanding to be heard over the string of curses that fell from Mello's lips as his struggle with Light continued. "He's just a child."

"Matt, tell them to let me go." Mello growled at the brown haired boy sitting stunned on the bed. This really was Matt. There was no other explanation. He could feel it deep in his bones. This really was his redheaded lover. Hell, if it wasn't for the hair, but then again, Matt's hair had been that same shade of brown before he had decided to dye it red. This was him. It was..."Tell them!"

Matt jumped a little as the last bit was shouted in a tone that sank fear into him; cold and sharp. He took in the blond s dilated pupils and the glaze look in the ice blue eyes and Matt pieced it together. Mello was on something. Maybe from the previous night? Well, depending on how late he slept and how long ago he had taken whatever he had taken and how much of it. Yes, Mello was drugged. "Its the drugs, Light." He whispered. "Mello," He added. "this isn't you. Where the hell are you?"

The blond seemed stunned. "What do you mean, Matty?" His eyes were wide and his tone had suddenly dropped into almost a whisper.

"Where are you?"

Mello's eyes widened again, shock, fear, confusion, agony, Matt could see all those emotions play out and unfold as they flitted through the blonds wide eyes. Then, tears were rolling down his pale cheeks and his face contorted as if he had been struck hard with something. "Matt. Race." His voice was strained. It was even more obvious now that he wasn't all there. He was somewhere else; away from this room. Somewhere where the night was cold and the crowds were cheering. And the screeching of tires and smashing of glass and metal intertwined with them. "He's just playing! He'll get up!" He shouted suddenly. His struggling -having calmed a little- started up again and Light was forced to wrap his arms tightly around the blonds smaller frame, keeping his flailing arms pinned to his sides. "Matt!"

L's eyes widened in realization before they flashed to Matt who wore a similar look on his small face. It seemed that he had figured it out too. Obviously the drugs still coursing through his system, and the shock of Matt showing up at his doorstep was too much for the blonds mind to handle all at once.

"He's mine!" Mello shouted.

Matt felt the tears again, not bothering to hold back the sobs as Mello dropped to his knees, just like the night of the accident. Light was forced to fall with him, though the brunette didn't loosen his grip. Mello was too out of control right now. "Mello, I'm right here." Matt whispered as he climbed off the bed. "I'm right, fucking here, Mello!"

Mello seemed to look right through him there. As if Matt wasn't there at all. "He's mine! You can't have him!"

"Matt," L and Light warned at the same time. It was almost comical, but this was no laughing matter. Mello was lost in his mind; in his nightmares. And Matt wasn't going to just sit around while the blond suffered through them over and over again.

Getting to his knees in front of him, Matt cupped the blonds cheeks, feeling him shudder at his touch. "You won't lose me again, Mello." Matt whispered. He pressed his lips to Mello once; felt him relax the tiniest bit, and did it once more. This time Mello stopped his struggling and when Matt looked up into his eyes, he was met with the coldest blue. "I'm right here, now snap out of it."

Silence.

And then; "_Liar_."

**Slap**.

"Fuckin' snap the hell out of it Mello! It's me! It's. Me. Find your way back out of your god damn mind and see me!" Matt was screaming at him. Frustrated tears ran down his cheeks once more, dripping from his chin and onto his jeans. "Mail fucking Jeevas!" Another harsh slap and it was L's turn to step up and restrain the young boy by gripping his wrist tightly in one hand. "C'mon, Mihael! Look at me! Look. At. Me!"

And when Mello simply stared back at him, stunned, Matt reached into the back pocket of his jeans, fishing something out of it before holding his palm up to show the blond. "I'm here, Mihael. You really are a fuckin' _fail_ Cloud and I'm so god damn glad." In his open palm, was a single silver crucifix. The same one that had gone missing that night of the accident. The same one from Mello's old rosary. And the collective realization was so loud in Matt's ears.

It was about fucking time.

* * *

**A/N**: These chapters are never really all that long. I'm sorry, guys -nervous smile- Ah, well. Hoped you enjoyed. I'll try to get next chapter a little longer. 'Nywho. Erm self explanatory. Mello's emotions are out of whack, because his mind can't handle having Matt back. Thanks, for sticking with the story this far. Review?

~ Matt.


	7. Like Today Never Happened

* * *

_Maybe Forgiveness is right where you Fell.  
Where you gonna go?  
Salvation is here._..

* * *

The silence dragged on for minutes, hours, no...not hours. But fuck if it didn't feel that way.

By this time, Mello was in his right mind, or more so, he was borderline sane now. His eyes weren't as clouded as they had been earlier. He could reason. No one knew how to ask what Matt knew they much all be dying to ask. How? Yes, that was the question. Everyone wanted to know the 'How' and the 'Why' How had this happened? They had all seen the car wreck months ago. They had all seen him buried. How was it that he could be speaking to them now in this body? Why? Why had it happen to begin with? These sort of things just didn't happen. It was not possible.

Matt simply sat on his side of the large bed. He was not going to speak first. He had died and swam through the fires of Hell to end up right back with them so they owed him at least to speak up first. But it didn't seem as though that would happen and hell, that was fine. As long as they were here. As long as he was here with them, breathing and Mello was only a few feet from him, staring back at him with those icy blue eyes...

"How?"

There it was. After what seemed like an eternity, L had broken the silence. Matt had predicted this, only because L was the no nonsense type. He wouldn t to take this...well, you could say it was a miracle, yes; he would not take this miracle sitting down. He wanted facts. logic and statistics. Fuck if anyone was going to tell him this was all just God's fuckin' miracle. No. That s not how L's mind worked.

Matt licked his lips before his eyes rose to meet L's. "I honestly don't know." The young boy replied. Sighing, he looked down at his lap where his hands were fiddling with the silver crucifix. How indeed? Honestly, it might just be best left alone but...he wanted answers too. As amazing as this was, answers sounded very comforting and inviting. As amazing as this was...it was still unnerving. "But I have a theory."

And at this, everyone seemed to thaw from their various frozen positions. "Theory?" Light finally lowered his hand from his lips and crossed the room to sit at the edge of the bed. "What is it?" Genuine curiosity rang in his voice and it made Matt that much more confident that they finally believed him.

_I Dare you to Move_.

His eyes moved from Light's, to L's and then finally came to rest on Mello's. The blond had yet to blink it seemed, but he had finally gotten to his feet and was watching Matt expectantly. He had yet to say a word though. Probably, Matt guessed, that it was because the sobered up part of him was catching up to his actions and feeling guilty for earlier actions. Although, there was a flash of something in those deep eyes, something that yearned to touch the young boy once more. Odd as it must sound, they all knew who the boy was, and a part of Mello was kicking the illegal aspect his mind was coming up with in the shins.

Matt understood. He wanted Mello as well. But now was not the time. So, it was with a deep breath that he finally spoke. "I believe that this was all Mello's doing." And the silent shock was booming around him. "Look at it this way," He added, voice small. Suddenly, he didn't feel so confident, but they had asked for his theory and he was going to give it. It was just a theory after all. "lets go back to the night of the accident." Mind you, he had put this theory together only last night. He had laid in Light and L's bed, remembering every detail of that night, looking for clues, for hints that might lead to the answers pertaining his current situation. Only one thing had made sense. Two, actually but the other was still puzzling him a little.

More silence, but it was obvious that all three men were doing exactly as Matt had told them to do. Going back to the night of the accident. They were all brilliant, and it was amazing to watch their minds work. "Right, what do you see?"

"Smoke."

"Blood."

"Cruelty."

Both Light and L had turned to look at Mello as soon as the word had left his lips. Cruelty. Now, this too is something that can be witnessed. Maybe in the way someone kicks a dog when its down, it could be considered cruel, but, what had happened that night to be cruel? His death? Was that what Mello thought to be cruel? Of course. Mello.

"Good. What do you hear?" Matt asked.

"Screeching. The breaks of the cars behind yours."

"Sirens. From the on location team."

"The screams of a world that has stopped moving..."

Once again, all eyes were on Mello. Mello. "My theory," Matt whispered, eyes downcast as he fingered the silver crucifix. "this was something that Mello must have triggered. B-because he's the one that had seen and heard what everyone else had not." A short pause. "Think back one more time, listen to what he says. What he keeps repeating over and over again. I believe it plays a key role in all this." He could simply write this out for them, but then it wouldn't be the same. They had to find it themselves; had to dig deep and find it...or else they would never understand.

_I Dare you to Move_.

The silence reigned on. Matt was becoming nervous but he kept quiet, though he was unable to bring himself to look anyone in the eye. Merely kept playing with the crucifix, praying that they would find the answer soon. They did.

_I Dare you to lift yourself Up off the Floor_.

"I challenged God." Mello whispered in a voice so hollow and bleak that it was all Matt could do to keep himself from bounding across the room to embrace him. He let the blond continue. "I challenged him. This isn't a miracle. This is a punishment..." He staggered a little and his face blanched, and for a second it looked as though he might faint, but he braced himself against the dresser behind him and stared back at the young boy that he knew was his dead boyfriend. "He's punishing me because I said you were mine. I said he couldn't have you...I claimed you, Matty. And now he gave you back to me, but...this way. In this...body, to punish me for challenging him." He choked on the last word, tears streaming down his face. "I did this to you."

"That doesn't make sense, Mello." L piped in and was planning on continuing but the blond was shaking his head.

"It doesn't have to make sense to you, L. The punishment is not for you, it s for me. My religion...my God is punishing me." Mello took a step towards the bed, paused and then quickly crossed the distance between himself and Matt and gathered the boy up in his arms, holding him tight against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Matt." He sobbed. "But I'm not going to apologize for doing this to you. I can't." Though, technically he had just apologized, Matt understood well what he meant. "I'm not going to apologize for having you back in my arms."

Matt held him. "You don't have to." He whispered. "Just wake up, Mello." He pulled back to look deep into his tear filled eyes. "Wake up."

Confused, the blond looked to L and Light, but they were no longer there. They had simply vanished from the room, though Mello was sure they had been there not two seconds ago. He would have heard the door open if they had left, which, he doubt they would have. They wouldn t leave Matt alone with him this way. "What?..." He whispered and looked back to Matt. "I am awake, Matty."

"No you're not. Wake up, Mells."

_I Dare you to Move_...

- -

Sunlight was pouring in through the curtains and spilling over him. He groaned as he forced himself onto his side to avoid having to open his eyes to the full force of the sun. "Hmm?" He blinked and was met with a familiar grin, and bright green eyes. "Matt?" At this, the blond sat bolt upright in bed, the sheets were tangled around his body, almost as if he had been wrestling with them in his sleep, and he could feel the thin layer of sweat that covered him. "What?"

The redhead laughed and reached out to touch Mello's forehead. "I think you're getting sick, Mells. Were you having a nightmare? It must have been pretty damn scary...you kept screaming." The grin was gone and his hand fell away from the blond s forehead, but Mello quickly took it, holding it tightly between both of his own. "You were screaming my name and crying and I couldn't wake you up." Matt licked his lips. "You were scaring me. What were you seeing?"

Reality came down hard on his shoulders, and for a second he was breathless. It was a good dose of reality. It had been nothing more than a nightmare? But it had felt so real. Everything...the high of the drugs, the sex, the emotional pain. Everything had felt real enough to the touch. How could it have simply been a nightmare? Was his mind really that twisted? Whatever the reason, tears were welling up in his eyes and he was pulling Matt against him tightly, crying into his gorgeous dyed red hair, feeling his smooth skin against his own. He wasn't a child. Matt wasn't dead...and he wasn't a child. God wasn't punishing him...And as he reached up to grip his rosary, he found that it was hanging there along with his crucifix. It had all just been a nightmare.

"Mello?" Matt cooed, pulling back to brush blond hair from his face. "Why are you crying? You're scaring me, Mells. Talk to me."

"It was just a nightmare, Matty." He replied through his tears. A smile was slowly beginning to form on his lips. "It was just a nightmare..." He paused to place a soft, meaningful kiss to the redheads lips. When he pulled away, he placed another to Matt's forehead.

"Lets just pretend _like today never happened_."

_Today Never Happened Befor_e...

* * *

**A/N**: Done. I said it was short, right? Self explanatory. I have mixed feelings about this Fic. Because two weeks after I decided to continue it, two weeks before I decided to even write this, I never would have thought I'd end up losing someone the way Mello does here. I lost my dad to a heart attack three months ago, and yet it feels like so much longer. I don't know...it feels strange that I was tempted to write something like this before it happened. And I just really wish that I could say "Today never happened" but I can't. In short, I'll dedicate this to my dad. For supporting my love of gay boys and their happy endings. I'll shut up, now. Thanks for sticking with this story for as long as you did. Review?

~ Matt.


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